It is Thursday night. Hubby is at his part-time job so it is just me and the kids for awhile. Tonight we ate pear-pineapples, drank out of our sippy cups, read a new book before bed and called it a night. The kids were "extra cute" tonight. I'm not sure if it is anything that they did or if it is the fact that I didn't get to see them last night (was at my part-time job).
First things first, I love my kids. I love being a mom but I'm struggling with something. I miss my girl friends. I miss going out for a drink after work. I miss getting ready on a Saturday night in an outfit that is designed for a girl 5 years younger for me and for someone who isn't married with twins. I miss laughing at nothing, feeling that bond with women that only a woman can explain. I miss drinking too much and then calling each other to talk about it the next day.
My social life consists of eating lunch with friends at my full-time job. Maybe 2 or 3 times a week for 45 minutes. My "after-work" social life consists of picking up the loves of my life from daycare, feeding food, bottles, bathes, reading books and playing with toys.
I haven't quite figured out how to do it all. I haven't quite figured out how to be a mom and to be a good friend. I haven't figured out how to not feel guilty when my friends are getting together and I'm home with the kids. I haven't figured out how to shake that "I'm still in my twenties and I feel like I'm forty" feeling that I get when I crawl into bed by 9:30 on a Saturday evening. I try to "squeeze" in a dinner or drink but I am so tired from the sleepless nights and hectic schedules that I am not even worth being around.
I'm hoping my friends realize that I'm trying. And I hope my kids realize how much I love them.
Until next time.
love and hugs
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